What I've Lost

Hey, sup.

There are good time and there's ... bad times.
Sometimes, you have no idea how on earth did you get into this sh!thole.

No matter how hard you fought. No matter how strong you are. No matter how much you endure and persevere. It doesn't matter anyway.

When you're surrounded in darkness and there's no way out. No light to guide your way. It's just you and your instinct. fighting against shadows, fears, nothingness, and your imaginations. Painfully, you fight alone. Then, it struck you that what what you is not enough to continue fighting. Then (again), you realised that how much you've lost.

I was in love with a fantasy.
I don't have a proper academic qualification.
I am in a difficult position in my workplace.
I am emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted.
I do not have any other skills.

Last few months was hell. Working till late nights with no back-up from colleagues. Driving in midnights that you almost fell asleep. Waking up rolling down the wrong side of the bed. Waking up into nightmares. Trying to achieve unrealistic deadlines, which could really get you killed. Dealing with so many things at once that you've no idea how to proceed.

It's just painful to see that all the efforts you've made didn't actually get you anywhere. In fact, it's used against you. And, that's just unfair. Hey, but that's life, right?

Everything just seemed so ... bleak and empty.

In the end, everything else doesn't even matter.
What that really matters is what that makes you happy.

And..that, is the hardest question.