The Dawning

Sometimes, you're a mess.
The next thing that you'd realise, you're a beautiful mess.
Yet, still a mess.

Being the only child in the family is not really that easy.
In fact, being alone...is not okay at all.
We need family, friends, support...love.
It's never easy to fight battles on your own.

Being the only person in work who is responsible for a couple of engagements is not easy.
Dealing with bosses requires great effort to convince them.
It requires confidence to tell them that you know what you're doing.

Sleeping in office and more sleepless nights.
Mamak and 24-hour McDonald's...because that's the only food available during midnights.


After months of experience and painful learning, I've finally got a break, which I was sick during half of the trip. Most probably due to inability to adapt to the sudden long rest I'm getting.

What I've Lost

Hey, sup.

There are good time and there's ... bad times.
Sometimes, you have no idea how on earth did you get into this sh!thole.

No matter how hard you fought. No matter how strong you are. No matter how much you endure and persevere. It doesn't matter anyway.

When you're surrounded in darkness and there's no way out. No light to guide your way. It's just you and your instinct. fighting against shadows, fears, nothingness, and your imaginations. Painfully, you fight alone. Then, it struck you that what what you is not enough to continue fighting. Then (again), you realised that how much you've lost.

I was in love with a fantasy.
I don't have a proper academic qualification.
I am in a difficult position in my workplace.
I am emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted.
I do not have any other skills.

Last few months was hell. Working till late nights with no back-up from colleagues. Driving in midnights that you almost fell asleep. Waking up rolling down the wrong side of the bed. Waking up into nightmares. Trying to achieve unrealistic deadlines, which could really get you killed. Dealing with so many things at once that you've no idea how to proceed.

It's just painful to see that all the efforts you've made didn't actually get you anywhere. In fact, it's used against you. And, that's just unfair. Hey, but that's life, right?

Everything just seemed so ... bleak and empty.

In the end, everything else doesn't even matter.
What that really matters is what that makes you happy.

And..that, is the hardest question.

In the midst of darkness... there'll be light of hope

At times, in our life, we will face challenges and these challenges will tend to sway us from our main objective and may discourage us from proceeding further.

At time when this happens, we will fall into despair and give up. We will see it as our failure and ingrain it in our memory. And we will keep on brooding about it.

But even in our darkest times, we mustn't forget to smile.

Who knows, in the far future, we may look back and laugh at our foolishness for being sad at things like these, but that's what makes us humans.

So, no matter how hard the situation is, we mustn't forget to smile. It's what gives us strength to fight on.